As I get older it becomes clear that people can be categorized into two groups that really don't understand each other: the Risk Takers and the Safe Bets. I'm not sure how I became a Risk Taker, but now that I'm living in San Francisco again, I realize how we tend to congregate together. And after a life of being close to Risk Takers, I notice when I meet someone who isn't.
I guess what made me think of this was a man I went on a date with recently who told me that, at 32, he had never tried drugs. Now please understand that I have no judgment against this (just like I don't have judgment against drug users either), but my thought was this... So many people I know tried drugs when they were younger, in the exploration years. It was when we defied our parents, our religion, even our sense of self. It was when we had irresponsible sex, and we traveled to places our parents didn't think were safe. We made friends that excited us because they were bad. I relate to these people, particularly the people who actively made the decision to experience everything that life handed us as long as we weren't hurting anyone, and could remain on the path to success (in school or our work). What is it about us that makes us different from the people who don't try those things?
This is a touchy subject, so I feel like I need one more disclaimer. I am not condoning drugs, and I do recognize (through extensive experience with loved ones) that drug use is an unhealthy proposition for many people (addicts). What I am really trying to focus on is the dominating personality trait for an individual to either: (a) try things and decide for themselves if they like them, or (b) avoid things that they hear are unsafe.
So what is that internal drive that separates these groups of people? Is it specific to drugs, or does it permeate other risky behaviors? And more importantly for me right now: can two individuals who belong to the separate groups make a successful couple in the long-term?
I don't know. But I do know this. I haven't had the best luck in this area with my relationships to date. Historically, I have chosen Risk Takers; and 2 out of 3 times, I mistakenly chose drug addicts disguised as normal boyfriends.
But still, I think, what would I be getting myself into if I date this guy? Will he come with me when I decide that I absolutely need to move to Europe for my career? Will he support me (emotionally) when I choose to start my own business and give up my income? Will he accept my family, and I mean really accept my family, which is the model for California liberals? (Remember, we are HomomexiblaCaucasian Americans).
I can't answer any of these questions. But as I write this I do know one thing. I am a Risk Taker, so I will date him until I find out how the story ends.
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2 comments:
Risk takers and safe bet-ers must have a difficult time being in a relationship (friendship or love). You are a risk taker (and in my case it is not the “it-takes-one-to-know-one” reason that I know this, quite the opposite). I am a safe bet-er (as you probably know). One of the main reasons our friendship did not, as they say, stand the test of time is because we are different in that way.
Do you feel you were always a risk taker? [Wait…just reminder – those jeans you wear in high school, maybe I just answered my own question.] Although we did have a strong friendship for a long time, we grow a part because we were different, not because we got into a fight or stopped cared about each another (at least I hope that is the case). You simply did not need me to keep you safe anymore, i.e. make sure you were let back into American (a few times I was really worried about that – drunk ass mother fucker) and driven home safely. You were able to do that for yourself or you find someone else to do it for you (and if that is the case, are you still friends with that person?).
Ok, so it also had to do with my need to hang out with straight guys (shit, I needed some dick…I know, I know preaching to the choir). So I guess in a way, I needed to be true to myself and stop trying to be a risk taker.
So my thought on this subject is that long-term relationships are only going to last if you stick with your own kind…wow that sounds really racist but you understand what I mean. Or maybe Tony, it is that you are becoming less of a risk taker in your old age. And if that is the case, my advice to you is not to fight it. It’s not so bad over here in the “safe land”…maybe not so many parties but we still have fun! Luv Ya Always, Crystal (a.k.a Ms. Safe)
It seems that people have different scales of risk taking too... I thought I was a fair way along the continuum, but it's all relative I guess. Your ramblings make me seem pretty unrisky in my social adventures... Kinda eye opening... Although I have lived in various parts of the world and changed careers a few times!
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