Even phone sex is unfulfilling

For those that don't know I have a profile on BigMuscle.com. While a lot of people use it as a hookup site, I genuinely use it as a dating/friend/social site. I've only had sex with one guy ever that I met on that site, and he bought me dinner first.

So two days ago this 22yo kid messaged me. I looked at his pics and found that not only is he completely gorgeous, but he had a picture of his 9.5" uncut penis posted. Seriously, this thing's size and beauty is in the top 2% of all penises everywhere (based on my extensive personal research). I was unfortunately a bit drunk when I replied to him. I normally would have said something about being flattered and then explained that I'm really the dating vs. hookup type. But instead I said something to the effect of how I was a young daddy looking for a hot boy (oops). Apparently that's just what the boy was looking for because he started messaging me non-stop after that.

I got home from San Francisco tonight and he said I could listen to him get off if I gave him my phone number. So I replied that I haven't had phone sex in about a decade, and while I can guarantee fantastic sex in person, I don't know that I would be very entertaining on the phone.

Actually, I remember the last time I had phone sex. Sorry for digressing, but this is funny. My ex-boyfriend Matt was staying with me in late 1999 in San Diego, and one night a man named Jeff called and asked for Matt. Matt wasn't home, but Jeff and I somehow started talking, and I found out that he had met Matt on a phone-sex line, and Matt had given him my home phone. Uh, rude. But as the conversation went on with this guy he ended up being really interesting and sexy. We talked for three hours and had phone sex that night and many other nights over the next two weeks. Then we finally met. And what I found was a short frumpy guy with a white man afro in geeky glasses and bad clothes. So you can see why I haven't ventured back to phone sex again.

So anyway, tonight, the 22yo's response to my message was to send me another picture of his penis, though this time it was hard. Listen, I'm only human. I gave him my phone number.

When he called the phone number was blocked, so I couldn't see his phone number. Fine, whatever. We chatted for a few minutes and then started getting into it. I was suprised at my instinct for this stuff. Its actually like sales. You just find out what their needs are up front, and then angle the rest of the conversation to fit their needs. After 10 minutes I knew I had this kid down, and his voice started going crazy. I told him to cum, and I got a long drawn out "oooooohhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhh, oooooooohhhhh, uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"

His breath calmed down. I asked where he came, and he said all over. And then....the phone hung up. Did that bitch hang up on me?

Um, I don't know what the generally accepted manners are around phone sex. I don't think Emily Post has a chapter for this in her etiquette guide. But after I get you off I feel like I at least deserve a goodbye. Maybe a thanks. Definitely a good night.

Well I've definitely learned my lesson this time. I'm not going to do anything I'm not comfortable with again.

Unless the guys sends me a pic of his 9.5" penis, and then I swear its just temporary insanity.