Just before my first birthday, my mother moved into a furnished studio apartment in Alameda, a suburb of San Francisco. One night in the first week, she pulled out the sofa bed and found a man's ring. She wasn't sure what to do with it. Her first thought was to bring it to the landlord, but he gave her a funny vibe and she wasn't sure she could trust him, so she decided to hold on to the ring until she could figure out what to do with it.
A few weeks later she went to interview a woman named Louise to be my babysitter. As they talked, Mom mentioned that she had just moved back to town, and Louise asked her where she lived. Mom gave her the address and described the building, and Louise said that was quite a coincidence, because her husband, Clement, had just moved out of that building. (Louise and Clement were married for 20 years, but separated many times). Louise called Clement into the room and asked which apartment he had lived in. It turned out that he had lived in Mom's apartment. After a bit of suprised chit chat, Clement said, "I lost a very important ring in that apartment. If you ever find it, let me know."
Mom couldn't believe it. She reached into her purse and pulled out the ring she had found in the couch. "Was it this one?" she asked. It was. Mom said that at that moment she felt like she had been given a sign that Louise was meant to watch over me. As I look back now, I think she was right. Louise became a great figure in my early life, and my sister's after she was born, and over seven years became a part of our family.
As Mom told me this story yesterday, it got me thinking about an old theory of mine that you don't create relationships randomly. A long time ago I started thinking that maybe you just go through life searching for the souls that you are somehow meant to find. That theory helps explain why sometimes you meet someone who you immediately feel comfortable with. It explains sudden best friends, and love at first sight. It explains the hope that a lot of us share: finding Mr. Right.
Of course, you never really know at the time if the sign you are getting is a legitimate message from Fate or a coincidence thrown at you by Chance. This summer when I dated Daniel, I was suprised to find out that we went to San Diego State at the same time. He brought his transcripts to my house one night, and I was shocked to find out that we had taken the same small psychology class in the fall of 1997. I thought it was fate. It didn't take me long to learn that it wasn't.
But those little instances aren't enough to shake my hope that sometimes Fate does take your hand and guide you in the right direction. While Daniel and I were dating, I was already becoming friends with D. Later in the summer when D and I started dating, I was suprised to learn that in early 2003, I chose his team at Emory University to work on a vaccine study I was setting up. It was suprising, but not enough.
Then late last Saturday night, I woke up in D's arms. It was a cool night, and I was pressed tightly against him. He had woken me with a twitch and a quiet moan. Then his arms tightened around me, and after another small moan he mumbled the words, "I love you." I laid awake for a minute, wondering if he had woken up, but it was clear that he hadn't. His breath told me he was asleep, and he was probably dreaming. I have no idea what he was dreaming about, or who that "I love you" was intended for. I didn't know what would happen the next day, or the next month or year. But as I fell back to sleep, with his skin warm against mine, I let my insides tingle with the idea that maybe, this time, it is meant to be.
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