I am a Lesbian: Part 2

Feelings man. Seriously, that's what its all about. Feelings.

Today was Saturday of Gay Pride in San Francisco: the dyke rally at Dolores Park. I met my girls there at about 4:30pm. They had already been there for a couple hours and got the party started, but I turned it up a notch with a bottle of vodka and stories about my extreme gayness the night before. The girls ate it up. I love my girls. It was 7 of them, me, and a straight guy who was so fucked up that he barely counts.

I had actually started the day in an even more lesbionic way (lesbionic is my favorite new adjective). I woke up with the gorgeous man I'm dating, and after sex we had a good heart to heart talk. It was very sweet.

It is so interesting to be in this position at the beginning of a relationship at my age. I remember how scary it used to be, but its not anymore. I can see the steps, and how they will progress, and it just feels like an optimistic comfort. LOVER asked me this morning if I was scared at all, and I could honestly say no. I already know that he is a good person, so our best case is fantastic and our worst case is that we just aren't the right people for each other. Its so nice to know that.

Unfortunately, the poor guy I'm dating has never really been in a good relationship, so his fear of vulnerability is really getting to him. So this morning we talked. I let him know how normal it was for him to feel the way he is feeling, and I told him how I was feeling the same way when I first met Scott. Fortunately for me though, I was seeing a therapist when I started dating Scott, and she helped me quell those inner voices that can drive a man mad when he starts becoming vulnerable. I reassured my new man this morning, but also let him know that I could never give him all the assurance he needed, because most of it had to come from within him. It is so interesting to be in this position.

Scott, I know you read this, and I know you'll agree that when you and I started dating it was magically easy. Everything just worked and fit into place. I remember Umecke visiting me in Sydney 3 weeks after we started dating and it felt like we had been together forever already. Neither of us was needy or uncomfortable or full of unrealistic expectations. And for the most part, that is how it feels with my Lover. Easy. Comfortable. This must be the benefit of getting older (that old people always refer to.... thank God I found it).

Well, when I came home from the Dyke March tonight, poor Umecke said that she was at her wits end because every girl had cried for one reason or another. But not me. I was the happiest mother fucker in all the land today. So hallelujah! I can save my balls another day.

Happy Gay Pride everyone. And a special kiss to my girls who like girls. XXX