As if STD tests aren't awkward enough

Yesterday when I walked into Gold's Gym I stopped and asked the guy at the front if he had seen the guy I'm dating, who is a trainer there. Let's call the guy I'm dating James. For once I'm actually going to keep someone's name private for a while because I kind of like him and I don't want to freak him out for, among other things, blogging his life away. So anyway, I ask Tim where James is, and he points to a corner with a table set up where a bunch of people are getting blood tests.

One of the benefits of going to one of the gayest gyms in the world is that gay services come to us. We can buy tickets to dance clubs, get invites to the glam parties, and even get our STD screening done when local non-profits come for a visit, all within the confines of our overly-mirrored-so-I-can-check-out-everyone-and-my-own-ass-too walls. One of the drawbacks of this arrangement, however, is that you might walk into your gym to find the guy you're sleeping with getting an STD screen.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that James was being responsible and yes I of course want him to get screened. We just met a little over a month ago and have no agreements around who we can and can't have sex with, so he might be screwing all of the Castro and some of Hayes and Noe Valley for all I know, and that is fine. But I'm not, and this wasn't how I wanted the conversation to go:

Me: "Thank God you're getting tested you big whore." (grinning)

James: "Everyone should do their part." (with a smile)

Me: "Well its good, because I don't have insurance yet and this test can count for both of us." (kind of kidding, kind of not)

James: "How do you mean? You should get tested too." (kind of serious)

Me: "I haven't had sex with anyone else since I met you, so whatever I have, you have." (nervously laughing)

James: "Oh, I guess I can't blame you then." (nervously laughing back)

Uncomfortable laughter. Umm, awkward.


My theory is that when you first start dating someone, its probably best not to discuss your sex life outside each other at all. If you ARE having sex with other people, then you might make Potential BF feel unspecial. If you ARE NOT having sex with other people, then you might make Potential BF feel uncomfortable that he is, or nervous that you are moving too quickly. The only positive scenario is if you both happen to disclose that you have not been sleeping with other people, but gay guys shouldn't hold their breath for that one.

I don't see anything changing for the foreseeable future. Its way too early to talk about not sleeping with other people, and yet I probably won't because James is hitting my kitty like a rock star and I am settling into a new job and apartment and life. I just don't want to talk about it again, which means that I should avoid folding tables at the gym, and that my fingers and toes are crossed in hopes that his tests come back negative.